WHIPPING UP DESIRE FOR PURSUING GOALS

I’m not at the end of my rope. I can do more than I realize. The market is saturated with influencers, attention grabbing headlines. It’s coated thickly with social media content and ideas. But this speaks more of this moment and moments change. Everything is in a state of flux and there are times for luck, for chance to find its way. You’ve got to find something, figure something out…make a way. You’ve got to keep up the momentum.

The realization that I’m coming to this week is that SO MUCH can be credited to simple desire. If you don’t have the desire or interest, nothing happens. DESIRE IS WHERE IT’S AT. No desire, no initial thrust towards something. No interest, no energy flow to the next possible thing.

Desire is the first (and usually easiest) thing that seems to pull us in a direction. Then we need the energy and motivation to sustain. But first, it’s desire. To gain desire you need to play around with something. Sometimes it’s a concept, or maybe it’s playing with paint, photography, wood, fabric or cardboard. Perhaps you need to spend a little time writing some words down or listening to a music piece. Maybe you just need to take that device or appliance apart.

So, if you ever notice you have a particular interest for something or maybe an idea appears and pulls at your attention, the next step is to give in to it. Try to see this beckoning as a natural push to get you out of homeostasis and maybe into a temporary flow state. This can yield dramatic returns on your life and wellbeing.

It takes effort and sometimes resources to pursue even the smallest desire. But this is worth the investment. You can use this opportunity of desire to turn a new leaf. At the very least you can get out of an anhedonic state.

And this is the crux of what I’m getting at. So many of us are in a mental state where we don’t have tremendous desire or interest for ANYTHING. Even just the act of stirring up intrigue seems exhausting. Yet, nature does present you with the occasional desire. Think of desire as a gift. Not everyone has desire. Not everyone has enough desire to make it happen or to finish even a basic small creation. We can’t even finish a longer video; much more initiate our own project. Most of us are living our days taming our boredom. Usually, we’re just scrolling along and being as stationary as possible.

This kind of static behavior on a daily basis induces a state of apathy for many things. Even more, it trains the mind for auto pilot mode.

Do you know what I’m getting at? You start to think only through the lens that is shaped by various content creators. You’re not allowing your mind to sublimate on its’ own stew of subconscious content.

Great things arise out of your subconscious mind when you let it happen–when you give your mind time to let it happen. When you give your mind time away from attention grabbing headlines, media, social media, or other online or in-person sources. Giving your mind a pause or fast away from online content (typically the ones that you find yourself compulsively checking–those are the worst!) will start to allow you to bring novel ideas and inventions to the forefront of your brain. I’ve seen this happen myself. It surprisingly works but you must take a refrain from the auto-pilot state.

Here’s another thought. The next time you have the impulse to criticize someone else for “wasting their time”–SOMEONE WHO IS ACTUALLY EMBARKING ON SOMETHING OR MAKING SOMETHING–maybe even some dumb creation–a cardboard sculpture, a blah blog post, or something that looks almost “useless” remember, somebody whipped up the DESIRE to DO THAT THING and even FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. They first had to have that initial uncanny desire to even approach the creation that they did. Then, they had to see it to the end. And many of these people are consistent and CREATE WEEKLY. Now that’s hard. It’s one thing to create something. It’s an entirely different thing to create monthly or weekly.

You may not appreciate someone’s final product. But you should have some sort of inspiration or admiration for the value of human desire. Some humans have discovered this desire and furthermore have the deliberation to untangle some aspect of physical reality and then to recreate, re-think, re-imagine, repurpose it. Desire is a gift. You, too, can take notice of it when it arises. We all get the desire feeling at some point or another. Next, take advantage of it. Don’t take the feeling of desire for granted because that feeling WILL PASS and you will be back to mental homeostasis.

HAVE JUST ONE HIGH PERFORMING BLOG POST!!!

Did you know that just ONE HIGH PERFORMING BLOG POST ON YOUR BLOG can significantly impact your blog’s success in terms of Google search? Even if you have 50, 150 or even 500 LAME BLOG POSTS and only ONE of them is doing well, your blog will be ranked higher than other blogs. This means people are more likely to discover your blog in the long run.

Let’s reiterate: Never underestimate the power of just ONE high performing blog post. This happened to me a few years ago. I continually reap the benefits of that one single post. Everyday I’m getting views and blog traffic from simply having one high performance entry. People stumble on my blog via that one post…often, they check out other posts. That one post has served as a hook– and it’s become very effective for my blog, overall. After some research, I learned that this is a strategy that most of the prominent bloggers have used to attract a steady stream of viewers. These individuals have taken steps to further their “brand” with books, YouTube videos, podcasts or various items related to their theme that they can ultimately MONETIZE.

When you have a blog, you want at least one GOTCHA POST where people spend some time. It doesn’t matter if you have a ton of content that doesn’t resonate with very many people or if they’re thinking MEH. BORING. We all have that experience WITH EVERY BLOG OUT THERE.

All you need is one high performing post. Additionally, you will need several other blog posts on your blog to establish your presence as a blogger—at least in terms of Google’s analytics and algorithm; this will help you stand out compared to other blogs. Those posts don’t have to yield a ton of engagement time or views. Just make your blog appear active, current and make certain it has some content.

Try to post at least twice a month. Make sure you’re writing posts in your own words! People can easily copy and paste your writing into an AI to determine if you’re legit or if you’re simply regurgitating copy and paste blocks of text from another AI generator. This tool is called AI Detector, and more and more people and companies are using these detectors to screen out computer generated writing from REAL human generated writing.

Something else I recently learned? Did you know that if you’re simply copying and pasting swaths of text from an AI generator, you’ll be NATURALLY PUSHED DOWN IN GOOGLE’s SEARCH ALGORITHM? YEP! The entire purpose of blogging is for humans to struggle with their thoughts, emotions and inner experiences–and TO WRITE THEM DOWN. Blogging is by definition the BLOGGERS THINKING. It’s your own thinking…what you’re currently learning and how you’re dealing with it. Writing is a wrestling act with your own thoughts and emotions and coming up with solutions in the form of WORDS. AI generators will not have the same human touch, that similar finesse with human experiences and situations in the human would. AI written content is quickly identified by complex computer algorithms and it’s pushed down in search. But if you’re a blogger you naturally adore the writing process, so this won’t be an issue for you! You’ll use AI to help you fully understand phenomena or learn the definitions of words and ways to improve your grammar. You won’t dump a bolus of text on a page constructed from another entity.

As you start to blog and write regularly, you’ll notice that you’re improving both your writing and thinking skills. You’re also developing a habit of writing! You’ll feel that surge of dopamine as you can both use your words to influence others and to simultaneously provide information about various topics. These topics INTEREST YOU. So, you’ll be motivated to learn and then watch and see if anyone else happens to enjoy your interests as well. You get to learn and write, learn and write! It feels like you’re building a memorable tower of knowledge that even you will go back to from time to time.

Anyone, even a SINGLE PERSON SPENDING TIME ON YOUR BLOG FACTORS INTO THE METRIC OF ENGAGEMENT. If they happen to find your blog and then leave quickly, this prices into the calculation called BOUNCE RATE. A blogs bounce rate is how fast someone finds your blog and then leaves after visiting one page. When your blog has a HIGH BOUNCE RATE it means visitors are not finding what they’re interested in. They’re less engaged so they leave after one shot. Google’s algorithm will lower your blog’s presence in search. Fewer people will find your blog. You have fewer chances of getting big. You have fewer chances of reaping any money.

In my opinion, The BREAD AND BUTTER of BLOGS are VIEWS. Not subscribers, not followers. These come and go. It’s easy to get into an emotional tither when people leave or unsubscribe. You express a political or religious view and people leave. You say something dumb. You get boring. You feel awful when you lose followers and your motivation dips. You stop writing and creating.

But views? Daily views are a signal that your blog is still providing relevant content to those asking questions on various search engines/platforms. Keep track of your daily views and let that inspire you! That’s been my main go-to in term of motivation for blogging. At least I’m getting views, even if not from loyal followers or subscribers. At least the algorithm is favoring my blog and engagement is UP!

You can let people go their way if they decide, but getting random views REGULARLY simply by speaking your mind will give you the impetus to keep going…to keep writing. Why would you want to be a slave to AUDIENCE CAPTURE? This is the phenomenon when a content creator starts to feel anxiety because they have to fulfill the expectations and interests of their audience. They become trapped. As a blogger you know you need A TON OF CONTENT TO GET NOTICED. How can you continually generate content that ALWAYS reflects the interests of your followers?

You can’t have it both ways. Either you generate a ton of content on various topics where you’re shrill and vocal–some that makes you lose active followers OR, you focus solely on what you think your readers WANT TO HEAR. Don’t do that! Be yourself. If you’ve created one momentous blog post, you’ll still be discoverable. There are so many fish in the sea and there’s way more to gain than lose if you keep presenting YOUR OWN VIEWS.

Cheers to blogging and creating that ONE POST that gets you noticed! You’ll get YEARS of success from that one single blog post.

I took my 6 Year Old Son’s ADHD Medication

Recently I tried a little of my son’s ADHD medication (methylphenidate/Ritalin). I’ve been curious for a while about its effects–so I decided to live a bit on the edge. I’m a risk taker when it comes to almost anything with the exception of my ego. I love to try new things. I love to gain new experiences. I’ve plunged myself into way too many hobbies of late. It’s no wonder that I may have some attentional or jumpy-around tendencies myself. I have a hard time finishing any task that requires many steps, or I find myself procrastinating or just not forging the mental stamina to continue. I embark upon many tasks at the beginning of the day, I whip up all the motivation I can, but the follow-through just kicks me down. Additionally, my mood is often not at its peak. I can sometimes feel what depression or despondency must feel like. I was eager to see if taking some of my son’s medication would have any impact on my mood, motivation, or even my mental stamina.

What I discovered was nothing short of brilliant. I felt AMAZING. Once I could feel the activation of the medicine, I suddenly enjoyed what I was doing. Sitting down and helping my 4-year-old learn to read is typically a very boring hard to endure slog. On this day, it was like a sudden epiphany for my mind. My exact thoughts were “Oh, I kind of enjoy this task! I feel like I’m in the moment and I’m accomplishing something that is useful for my son!” Needless to say, we made it through 5 books. I just was able to stay on task and didn’t tire from it.

That’s really what I noticed–the ability to NOT TIRE OUT. To NOT MOVE ON. The focus makes it so that you can complete more boring, mundane, step by step tasks or even attempt more arduous or challenging tasks. The brain really needs a particular cocktail of neurotransmitters to deal with the day-to-day drudgeries. I didn’t realize what I was lacking–or how much more focused I could actually be. Do some people have the privilege of functioning like this regularly? If so, I’m so jealous! What a treat to stay focused and have that accompanying sense of satisfaction.

According to my son’s pediatrician, everyone’s brain can actually benefit from methylphenidate (though it’s typically reserved for those with a true ADHD diagnosis). Recent studies reveal that this medicine can probably help anyone, even adults, and it does not cause addiction because it is short-acting. It helps while it’s in the body and then starts to fade within a few hours. It helps my son tremendously especially while he’s learning something. He can hold his gaze on any learning material longer than without it. And if he holds his attention on some bit of knowledge or information for longer, he stands a FAR BETTER CHANCE OF LEARNING AND RETENTION.

That day I was able to trim 3 different bushes (topiary style!) and stay on task with every other item on my to-do list. I felt a sustained energy and contentment for whatever it was I was doing. I was reminded of the brevity of life and how one of the values I have crystalized for myself is my POTENTIAL. Am I doing everything in my power to achieve my potential? Am I making efforts each day? Could regularly or occasionally taking this medication help improve my mental function and output? I’m left to deliberate about my options and if I will talk to my doctor about getting a methylphenidate prescription myself for occasional use.

If you are the type that just tires out from the long-list of day-to day life or “mentally checks out” you also might benefit from an ADHD evaluation or (potentially) a prescription from your doctor. I think that brain function is absolutely critical for overall health and good, everyday life experiences. It’s hard to enjoy life when you can’t stay on task or accomplish anything big or bigger. We all are dreamers and can see things that we would like or that need to get done. Our brain can easily conjure up grandiose images of what we would like to accomplish or all the possible creations we would like to make. The wherewithal, stamina and sense of satisfaction on each step of the way is where the difficulty lies. This is what I discovered by recently embracing my curiosity and trying my son’s medicine.

ANXIETY STACKING/ HOW TO USE IT!!!!

In the world of self-help, self-improvement and motivation we’re all familiar with the phrase “Habit Stacking” or “skill stacking’. “A recent idea that I thought of is “Anxiety Stacking”. This concept came to me the other day when I woke up feeling anxious again, for seemingly no reason. Why do I feel so anxious?

Anxiety always seems to be connected to other people. ALMOST ALWAYS. It’s someone who has unfollowed me or unfriended me on Facebook or Instagram. I feel the anxiety flood in. Maybe it’s a suggestion to “patch a hole in my coat” (as if I didn’t notice that!). It’s someone’s hesitation to be warm or friendly after I have been exuberant and kind with them. It’s someone’s dismissive or “calm down” response to me about an expressive thought that I’ve vocalized–especially when I made an intentional effort to not be dismissive to their thoughts. It’s a job or opportunity rejection. Or maybe it’s the feeling conjured up when someone else in my current niche of interest is producing incredible products. There’s the unmistakable twinge of envy that creeps in when a peer in my field is churning out remarkable work, leaving me feeling like the underdog.

I’m in a quest to tame my anxiety. Anxiety is a very uncomfortable state of being. I’ve realized that I’m often at war with it. Once my psyche is plunged into this state, it tries with might to get out! Sometimes I sit in this state for half a day. I fantasize about the moment that I “will no longer feel anxious”.

I’ve decided to turn this upside down! Instead of dream of the moment where I’m “no longer feeling anxious” I’m going to use my anxiety as a catalyst. I’m going to use these moments of angst to run towards EVEN MORE SITUATIONS and EVEN MORE PEOPLE who AROUSE MY ANXIETY.

But why? The reason is because this is the PERFECT TIME. I’m already in the throes of anxiety. This is the time to allow more of it…because, wait, can anxiety get worse than it already is? Not really. It’s going to feel just as painful and anxiety-riddling with one or two rejections as it is with about 10 or 20 rejections. Sure, lots of rejections slammed on you at once may take a toll on your overall self-esteem (in the moment) but more on that later…

When you feel anxious it’s better to do a bunch of different things that may stir your anxiety. These are things like: apply for a job (that you think you’ll get rejected from), apply for a volunteer position (that you don’t think you have a chance at), ask someone out who’s likely to reject you. Compose an email to that estranged long-lost Uncle of yours! Has a neighbor recently rebuffed you? Bravely approach them and start talking in a bright, cheerful, annoying voice as if you don’t notice their disdain for you. Remember! They’re going to die too. You have one life and now is the perfect time to take risks with your ego because, again, YOU’RE ALREADY FEELING ANXIOUS.

I’ve noticed that when I do this, when I zoom into uncomfortable situations, I end up forgetting (for at least part of the day) some of the other uncomfortable situations that I’ve just encountered. It’s like I’m stacking more anxiety-pervading moments onto the heap. My memory (and anxiety) can only handle and FOCUS on a couple of these at a time.

Now, why do this? Because when you place your eggs in many baskets, when you apply for that job, inquire about a volunteer position in your field of intrigue, ask out a potential date, or speak to someone who you think “doesn’t like you” you actually increase the likelihood that ONE OF THESE ACTIONS works out in the end.

Let’s reiterate! When you diversify your efforts—whether it’s applying for a job, seeking a volunteer opportunity in your field of interest, mustering the courage to ask someone out, or engaging with someone you perceive as indifferent to you—you significantly boost the chances that at least one of these endeavors will yield positive results. Success tends to favor those who cast a wide net.

By taking action and doing a bunch of uncomfortable things in your current “Already-Anxiety” state, you’re learning a trick and modify your behavior and use it for your own self-improvement.

Now you can see the positive angle on anxiety. Use this state to your advantage!

Gaining Resilience Through Vulnerability

I hear people use the term “vulnerable” a lot these days. They speak of being vulnerable in favorable terms. It’s vogue to say, “I get strength from my vulnerability.”

When I think of vulnerability, I think of the likelihood of being subject to the ridicule, the disappointment, the rejection, the distancing or the undue scrutiny of others.

Being vulnerable seems to be putting yourself in a position where other people can weigh in. Being vulnerable is being dependent on other people. It’s being subject to other people.

Other people can do the following: fault you for your personality, your physicality, your political or religious affiliations, your cognitive function and how you handle situations, your sense of humor, your efforts, the things you say and do, the talents (you think) you have… your possessions (or lack thereof)—the list goes on. At that point they can remove their friendship from you. They can shame you and judge you. They can cut off any resources they were giving to you including encouragement, insight and knowledge.

Vulnerability might also be thought of as just being less physically or financially able as the average person. (And yes, I, too, hate it when celebrities make grandiose proclamations about “Gaining strength from their vulnerability.” (Sorry, you don’t get to call yourself “vulnerable” if you’re not disabled and you have enough money to depend entirely ON YOUR INDIVIDUAL SELF for several life-spans.).

For the rest of though, to develop a sense of strength and mental fortitude, we must stick our necks out the window of life and be courageous. We must try. We must try and become something. We must act and not simply spectate. When you act, other people will inevitably notice and they are going to respond. People are going to either like you more or dislike you more.

Nothing comes for free. Often, it’s these risky, “vulnerable” moves in life that will offer the greatest rewards in the long run. But you must take them. The cost is taking the risk. Agreed, you’ll be the one negatively impacted if the risky move turns bad. You might gain the disapproval and shaming from others. Sometimes, this can result in soul-crushing anxiety and despair. Rejection is one of the worst feelings to live with.

Remember though, it is through our vulnerability that we ultimately develop resilience. Make that be your life’s motto. This tough, persistent “I can take it” attitude is what needs to be developed.

What do you do when you feel rejected or rebuffed…when you feel as though you’re always trying to win the approval of others but often met with either some sort of condescending lip-service or outright disappointment?

One of my recent strategies is to just say aloud “Be resilient. Be resilient. This is going to take some time. You are currently in the moment. Give it a few hours—or maybe 3 days, but by then, you’ll be fine again. Those strong feelings will have passed.

You want to get past those strong torrents of emotion because that is when your behavior and reactions are likely to be unstable. You want to imagine yourself riding through those moments, almost like you’re on a boat in the sea, floating to stable land, but you must get there first.

Reminding myself that I must reestablish my mindset and focus on resilience provides me with an escape from my current feelings.

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Tag: self improvement