Tag: mental health

KEEP MENTAL NOTES

KEEP MENTAL NOTES

We keep being told “What gets measured gets managed”.

If you can see your waist whittling down, you can measure it to confirm a reduction in inches.

Likewise, if you think you’re getting more movement throughout the day and becoming less sedentary—you can measure the number of daily steps you’re getting with a Fit app on your phone.

When you get to experience and visualize the improvements in your various goals you have instituted for yourself, you get a mental reward.

You end up finding ways to implement measurement techniques into your life. Did you forego sugar for half the day? If you can’t track it somewhere JUST NOTICE IT. Keep a mental note. Always take moments to thank yourself and reward yourself with just the thought.

Do you have a social media account where you post regular photos or reels? You’re constantly tracking your success. You’re tracking your reach with the analytics on the platform you use. You’ll take note of comments, likes, views and subscriber numbers.  As you look at the metrics and consider them, your brain is taking notice.

You end up gaining a sense of both inspiration and motivation when you see these improvements in your metrics.

We need to start realizing that health, mental health and self-improvement requires this metric or “analytic system” too.

One thing I want to emphasize is that you don’t necessarily need to jot it down or keep an orderly tab on a device. Instead, just think about it. Your brain is a computer too.  Take mental pictures of your little successes. In other words, savor your success for a moment and give yourself credit.

The reason why this method is so undiscussed is because we have a million apps and a million programs and tools at our disposal to keep track of our progress.

But what if it was far simpler and far more accessible and much quicker just to give yourself constant reminders?

You probably give yourself mental reminders about “How out of shape you are” or “How you’re terribly inept at such and such”.  It’s easy to deluge your brain with constant, negative mental reminders. Psychology tells us that we have a negativity bias. Our brains are wired to see the negative and the scary since our species developed on the African plains confronted by vicious beasts of all kinds. The human brain naturally wired itself from the beginning to be LEERY before CHEERY.

Perhaps we could turn this all around and start to slowly give ourselves little mental notes when we perform the task effectively or we do something correctly.

Even if just a small thing, just say “Okay, I did that one thing!” or “I lifted weights in the basement for 2 minutes.”. Or “I parked very far from the store entrance in order to get more steps in.” Maybe you just need to remind yourself “I don’t have a headache right now, that means I can focus on any task better.”

Take mental notes throughout the day. Your brain does notice this, it builds reserve for more productive future actions. There is a snowball effect that is occurring.

Just as Dave Ramsey has a method about paying off the small debts first to gain a sense of accomplishment to have the mental impetus to pay off the larger debts later, perhaps we need to NOTICE THE LITTLE ACCOMPLISHMENTS FIRST in order to have the mental ability to sustain ourselves as we work towards BIGGER accomplishments.

To Boil it down: Start small and don’t make it technical! Just take mental notes about the positive instances in your life. Your brain will take notice, even if subconsciously, and will push you into further positive actions.

THE 300 PEOPLE YOU INTERACT WITH IS ONLY 0.00000375 of 8.2 BILLION PEOPLE/GLOBAL POPULATION

THE 300 PEOPLE YOU INTERACT WITH IS ONLY 0.00000375 of 8.2 BILLION PEOPLE/GLOBAL POPULATION

You probably have more options than you realize. You probably have more reach. With the modern digital landscape, you can be influential because your ability to expand, grow and be recognized by a larger number of people is so much more ample. Meanwhile, your everyday life experience may be limited by the number of people you encounter and form both shallow and profound relationships with.

Dunbar’s number suggests that most people interact with and form stable relationships with 150 to 300 people in their life (and that’s a generous range!). The problem with these 150 to 300 people that we mostly see and interact with is that they provide a very limited “small pond” effect to our brains. This is a cognitive bias.

Thus, in reality, we interact with a VERY SMALL FRACTION of the global population. It’s impossible for our brains to internalize the vastness, the scale of it all. Instead, we rely on our limited understanding to gauge the world–especially OURSELVES IN THIS WORLD. Our thoughts regarding our opportunities, chances and options are simultaneously shrunk down to size.

We start to judge ourselves based on the overall tenor and consensus of how these 0.00000375 people in the global population respond to us. We’re constantly worrying about our character and how it is being perceived, evaluated, from the metrics coming from that very small population we are working with. For example, if we get fired, a few times (or even many times!) we assume our experience of ourselves is representative of THE LARGER REALITY.

If we blow it on our blog–with our you tube channel—with our social media posts- or even with something like the kiosk that we run at our local Farmer’s Market–WE ASSUME THAT WE HAVE A FIXED AUDIENCE or FIXED CLIENTS/PATRONS. You do not.

If you’re like me, your blog will attract some people from Pakistan one day and people from Iceland another day. Audiences change. People grow out of what you have to say. People find newer, fresher, younger faces or maybe they remember you and come back. You still have a chance to grow and have influence and success if you manage to hook even just a few people. You have to make people remember you.

Back to what I was saying earlier, if most of those people “in your current circle” think a certain way, have very different personality traits than we do, or are super judgmental, you’ll start to regard yourself through the same lens. Perhaps these individuals don’t make any outright negative statements–only little ones that diminish you or make you feel “you don’t have what it takes”, “You’re incomplete” or “You’re not there yet”.

Because of our cognitive biases, we project the opinions of a HANDFUL of certain people onto an entire hypothetical “public”. If our boss or work mates show disappointment for our idea, we feel like EVERYONE is disappointed with it. If a particular social group show’s aversion or dissatisfaction for your choices, it can feel like your’re just a general loser.

Often, we inflate the long-term impact of a single mistake.

We start to think that that circle of people defines who we are. Or, that must be the way the world is. But maybe we have it wrong. Maybe we just have the wrong 150-300 people in our circle from the get-go. Maybe we’ve been dealt a bad hand of people from the start.

Maybe someone like Steve Jobs had a bunch of “the right” people around him at the right time. Without that specific concoction of people, maybe he would have never had the sustained inspiration to carve out a successful path and put his ideas out there.

Afterall, it’s easier to try new things and throw our ideas out there with the right kind of people surrounding us. It’s much harder when we feel fear of what kind of half-hearted commentary we’re going to receive or worse, someone who changes the subject to talk about “the weather” a “recent event” or something very mundane like something they noticed about a particular street, car, celebrity, place. It can feel dismissive and boring at the same time.

My go-to thought when I’m feeling like I’ve been handed the wrong surrounding of people:

There are 8 BILLION people on the planet. Considering that number, my reputation is not at stake as much as I think. Like me, you need to NOT let those 12 job-related encounters–or even 30–establish your baseline identity or character.

To reiterate, maybe the successful people in the world had the right 150- 300 at there disposal from the very beginning. They had people who were cheerful, positive, successful themselves, happy, open to new ideas–philosophically minded, dreamers and willing to keep working at it and trying etc. Those are the kind of collaborators you want. If you don’t have them now, you can change things up. You can use the vast numbers of people who navigate the internet as a potential wellspring to draw from.

These are trite, already known thoughts. But the point is you must constantly remind yourself that there are 8 Billion people to exploit.

Maybe you can’t change things up right now. But at least you can remember THE LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS. That is, despite the common mantra “It’s a small world after all”. It really isn’t. There are 8 BILLION PEOPLE to exhaust your resources, time, attention and talents. There isn’t enough time in your life to remotely scratch the surface or all that’s out there. “The tip of the iceberg” platitude doesn’t even BEGIN to convey how FEW PEOPLE YOU’VE really interacted with or even more, formed a meaningful connection with or could have an impact on.

Don’t let those 5 people at your company/work determine who you are. Even if you’ve ruined your reputation at an entire company, remember there are literally millions of companies globally that you could reach out to or that may find your skills or personality admirable. BEEN IN PRISON? Guess what? If you’re out, there are TONS OF POTENTIAL opportunities if you’ve truly committed to a crime-free life and you have a willful determination to make something of yourself. There are literally thousands of countries where you could stake out your next project or business pursuit.

Remember the doctor who killed Michael Jackson? Guess what? In 2023 he successfully opened his own medical institute in San Juan and also in Trinidad and Tobago. He is back to not only being a successful doctor, but developing thriving clinics.

The odds are in your favor because the global population is enormous. And don’t let me get started with your ability to use AI and use it to carve out even more bifurcations that lead to EVEN MORE OPPORTUNITIES. Imagine the global population surging with robots? That’s even more “people” to work with.

There are so many mistakes you can make with different people and yet still billions of more people to “try it out on”. And, if you were making some sort of cardinal, egregious mistake, that mistake will eventually be corrected or modified after so many iterations and interactions with different people. You just have to keep reaching out to more people.

To conclude, remember that your REPUTATION isn’t a single, monolithic thing. It’s really just a bunch of perceptions held by different people in different contexts. A gaffe in one area may be unknown or irrelevant to other people who are not in your direct circle. Most people–even that small group of 150 to 300 that you might engage with yearly–are too busy to care about your mistakes for too long because they have their own lives to dwell on and their own mistakes.There will always be TONS of people on the globe for you to work with and have an impact on.

SOCIAL MEDIA “CREATOR TYPES” ADVANTAGE!

The SOCIAL MEDIA SPHERE may already be saturated with accounts.

Here are a few things to remember while you’re vying for presence, subscribers, followers, noticeability, views and engagement:

It will always be easier to CLICK and SCROLL and CONSUME than to CREATE and to create regularly.

There will always be MORE PEOPLE in the population willing to waste several minutes of their day (and from the research literature, SEVERAL HOURS) scrolling than several minutes CREATING. Always. This is a fact. The most rudimentary fact of human nature is probably our tendency towards ease. We have an entire country filled with health problems and obesity, not bodybuilders. And most of this can be attributed towards our human tendency towards relaxation, comfort and often laziness.

Humans choose the easier path. This is good otherwise we wouldn’t have invented technology in the first place. But this is also good for YOU because it means that you as a content creator or blog-post writer or aspiring influencer have a distinct advantage.

Remember, you want to create. You LOVE the process, the act of creating both physical items and digital items. You’re spurred not solely by gaining some kind of number or position but simply by the fact that you love the creative flow you experience while making anything. You know what this feels like. You’ve done it before. You know how much better you feel after you’ve put in some effort. Sure, you’re flawed. Sure, other people will notice too, but you’re on this creative trajectory.

Think of it like this: some people try to acquire a college education for the sake of getting good grades or simply for the high paying career at the end. Other folks pursue education because they enjoy amassing tangible and abstract truths about the world. They love the interplay between disparate things. They love the “Aha moment” when they discover a useful link with something they’ve learned. They learn because they know it enriches their character, performance and intelligence. Learning becomes a long-term life goal.

In the same way, creator types who want to create and have that instinctive drive to create, are not motivated by gaining a following or establishing some kind of internet notoriety or making lots of money.

While it may be fun to track your progress and to see the views you’re getting, it’s even more fun to jump back into the act of creating, producing and synthesizing relatable ideas.

As much as I try to take a break from posting on various social media platforms, I find myself inexorably compelled to create and post whether it is my art attempts, my woodworking creations, my decorations, my gardening activities, my children’s summer fun moments etc.

I enjoy the process of making original stories on Facebook or composing short reels. I like posting on my ART facebook page. I like wrestling with my thoughts in my blog. I like attempting Shorts on Youtube every-once-in-a-while. I have an entirely separate blog where I posted philosophical ideas for YEARS and it has almost 300,000 views but only 98 subscribers. And, while I haven’t posted there for over a decade, I’m still gaining views! My 2009 posts are still getting views.

If the above felt relatable, you know you’re certainly a “creator type” and you have an edge already. You have intrinsic motivation and nothing can ever take that away because you’ve felt it too many times before. You notice you spend hours making things but only minutes (or less) scrolling. If that’s you, YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!

Think of all the BIG content creators out there. Do you think they spend a ton of time or effort scrolling through other people’s content? My guess is RARELY. They’re going to have to spend tons of their time working on, editing and thinking about THEIR NEXT PIECE OF CONTENT. It becomes a constant pursuit for them. And believe me, when they start to grow, it’s even more time consuming. So NO, they’re NOT SPENDING VERY MUCH TIME SCROLLING. I can guarantee where they’re spending their moments. They spend their time thinking about their projects and tossing around ideas for their next one.

The only thing you need to do is to convert SOME OF THAT TIME STARING AT YOUR PHONE BRIEFLY ON THOSE BIG ACCOUNTS TOWARDS directly working on your own projects. It’s a habit that you must inculcate into your brain. If you’re going to spend any time in the social media sphere, always do it for you!

BETTER WAY TO THINK ABOUT HAVING “TOO MANY INTERESTS”

My problem is that I have too many interests. I can’t quite figure out what I like more: woodworking, painting, writing and making blog posts, making reels after doing my creations/projects, self-help and motivation, roller-skating, sewing, gardening and landscape design…philosophy and learning about consciousness.

Then, there are the things I enjoy slightly less but I love the results when I do them: cleaning the house, cooking, nutrition, exercising and fitness, learning to play the piano, reading books, skincare and esthetics, learning and education and working towards my bachelor’s degree in nursing and teaching my 3 children things.

In the past (2011) I would make youtube videos–some would go VIRAL. It was an incredible opportunity in the early days of Youtube before the platform was saturated with creator accounts. Now the best and brightest are at the top of Youtube. I don’t stand a chance now. I’ve come to accept it and I rarely invest in this hobby anymore.

A lot of people struggle with having TOO MANY INTERESTS. But I think we should consider the positive side of this struggle. This means that at least we’re not sinking into boredom and nihilism. We’re probably less likely to be on the path towards addiction. This means we’re actively using our brains and still trying things out. We’re finding different ways to engage our conscious experience by seeking out interests and hobbies. We want to work with the world, not stagnate and diffuse our potential.

More and more studies reveal that actively learning and finding hobbies in MIDDLE AGE will help prevent cognitive decline. When you’re not passively consuming the world around you–but actively working with it and even butting your head against it–trying to find ways to make it work, solve a problem, figure out a new strategy and come up with something new, you’re thinking more.

This original thinking that comes with having tons of interests will do wonders for your sense of confidence. It will literally BUILD TRUST IN YOURSELF. You tried some of your ideas and integrated them into your hobbies in the past and gained some knowledge. Some of the things you did worked. You may have solved a woodworking or artistic issue in a more unorthodox way. You start to trust how you go about the process more–HOW YOUR OWN BRAIN GOES ABOUT THE PROCESS MORE.

As you gain confidence in your own style for doing things you are fueled to do more. Nobody died or got hurt. People may have admonished “That’s not the way to do that” or “This is how I do it.” But everyone thinks their way is much better, have you noticed?

Perhaps you applied lateral or non-linear thinking to help figure out something in the past. This approach often feels better than following the step-by-step directions from a brochure or a youtube video.

So, in essence, having tons of interests develops lots of new and unique connections. These inspire more tangential thinking. More ideas can mix together in your mind so you come up with even more and better ideas. Remember, unrelated ideas can be integrated and may lead to even more surprises or potential solutions. You will feel and be more inspired and you will be pushing down the tendency to escape into addictions.

Having a surplus of hobbies, passions and interests may feel overwhelming. You may feel like you can’t go very deep into any of them. The tradeoff is you’ll have more crossover of unique ideas. You may even come up with an invention or business idea. If you naturally possess this tendency, don’t beat yourself up! You’ve figured out a way to beat boredom without screens and scrolling. It’s always better to have a surfeit of hobbies than zero hobbies with a proclivity towards addiction.

Exercise NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

Exercise NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

It’s January and New Years Resolutions are upon us.

How can I be more fit? How can I become a better painter, writer or seamstress? How can I FINALLY figure out an avenue to make some side CASH? How can I improve my current career? How can l learn to be more thankful and reflective in every present moment? How can I find absolutely every possible way to squeeze out more creativity in every moment? How can I really, really, really learn to waste less time even though I’m already quite frugal with my time as it is?

These are all questions that are slamming into minds right now. We all want to improve. Everyone tends to have the same problems–not enough time, lots of interests and definitely a passion to use every single bit of their potential.

But here’s something you need to get rid of–especially as you commit to getting rid of the bad chemicals in your food–you must get rid of discouragement and depression. You have one brief life. It makes ZERO sense to spend time not feeling mentally or physically at your peak. You have this one opportunity (as we currently understand) to experience your particular consciousness. So why be bothered by feelings of listlessness or someone else’s little reaction to you?

I firmly believe we can craft peak levels of performance much more frequently than we realize. Even just writing these words I feel myself getting jazzed up.

Now, if you know of ways that certifiably increase your performance and an upbeat mental approach to issues, you can implement these into your moments.

I woke up sluggishly at 5:50am this morning. No, it wasn’t an all-star kind of morning. Everything felt pointless. Repetitive. And to use a cliche, just going through the motions. Then, at 6:50 am I decided to embark upon intense cardiovascular exercise on our exercise bike. After 15 minutes I felt back to normal. The sluggish feeling had all but dissipated. And this was all because of the exercise. Here I was doing something I didn’t want to do—and EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, doing something at a TIME I DIDN”T WANT TO DO IT. I didn’t put it off like I wanted to. I just went ahead and did it.

The best way to think of exercise (for me at least) is refreshment or a rinse. The mind is being refreshed by the neurotransmitters being produced from the exercise/movements. Neurotransmitters like dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin are showered over your brain. These will help get you into the mental state that you need for the day. They assist with clarity. They will improve your mood and motivation. Also, higher levels of oxygen are reaching various brain tissues.

My favorite thing about exercise is that it very likely produces neuroplasticity. Most studies are indicating the involvement of exercise on brain growth. Who knows what we will find out about exercise over the next 50 years?

So, if there is one thing I will commit to this year it will be exercise. I will make movement and fitness my goal. I really hope this main goal will then trickle to other areas of my life. I can only hope.

NEGATIVE GROCERY STORE ENCOUNTERS: POWER IN THE EMOTIONAL MOMENT

NEGATIVE GROCERY STORE ENCOUNTERS: POWER IN THE EMOTIONAL MOMENT

A very quick yet (hopefully) pithy blog post today. I don’t expect anyone to read it. I do like to purge here on my blog and scribble out my thoughts to various interactions. In life, people will cause you the most pain. Hands down. There is nothing that will instigate more problems or conjure more negative self-talk than other people. Rarely do you wake up and simply decide to think negatively about yourself. Usually, it’s a frustrating encounter with another human being that sets off a cascade of negative self-talk and rumination.

It’s other people’s expressions, reactions and mannerisms that bring you to this psychological state. You may be minding your own business or thinking your own thoughts, yet someone acts a certain way and throws you off. Maybe they exhibit an attitude that you feel is unfair to your current situation. I know, I know, we hear it all the time “you are responsible for your own feelings”. This said, it’s almost always another person who has done the initiating or acted unreasonably considering the circumstances.

I had the experience of someone’s irritation, contempt and derision in Target yesterday. Perhaps it was because I was in Target and not in Walmart (where all the humble people abide). I can’t put my finger on it but these kinds of encounters never arrive when we’re at Walmart.

My children were blocking an aisle, as usual. My back was turned away from the approaching customer, her husband and (one) child. Once I realized the obstacle we had created for her, I immediately said “I’m so sorry!” and we speedily moved out of their path. All she could do was glare with derision and push past us with contempt. There was not a pinch of grace or kindness coming from her. We had stolen a few seconds of her life and for that she was outraged.

If the tables had been turned, I knew I would never respond like that. I couldn’t coax an attitude like that if I tried. In fact, I typically would pivot to another aisle with my cart or maneuver around. I figure out a way and I don’t force my way when there is a hiccup. I would rather put myself out than put someone else out.

I found myself deeply engrossed in the moment. As if that moment, with that look I momentarily caught from her, was stuck frozen in my mind. I could feel myself plunge into myself. I took in the emotional pain and didn’t shy from the feeling.

The feeling of being rejected and embarrassed came over me fully. I allowed it to. I felt worthless and rejected again. Yet I didn’t push past this emotion the way I usually do. I usually run from feelings of discouragement, embarrassment and dejection. This time I allowed it to sink it so that I could feel the full thrust of it. And you know what? It wasn’t as bad as I envisioned it to be. It was less painful just fully being immersed in my own blunder, my own ineptitude, my own lack of skill whilst navigating the perils of target with my 3 young children.

The key takeaway here is that there is always power in those moments of intense displeasure and embarrassment. Those are the instances where you can fully pull back—fully retract into a sense of mindfulness. And mindfulness is something we all need to get back into more often. In fact, we need frequent reminders to become mindful. We hear about the technique of mindfulness constantly, yet we forget about it. I’m mindless most of my days. We need everyday reminders! I need everyday reminders!

As I start out the new year with New Year’s resolutions, I will be using any negative or embarrassing occasion to conjure up mindfulness. Mindfulness is the antidote for any fleeting pain or trial. Since everything passes by so quickly anyways, there’s no reason to sit in the suffering. All you need to do is look at it, head on and then it disappears. Time goes on and that particular instance is FAR behind you. There is a world out there with plenty more interesting people and abundant opportunities.

ANXIETY STACKING/ HOW TO USE IT!!!!

In the world of self-help, self-improvement and motivation we’re all familiar with the phrase “Habit Stacking” or “skill stacking’. “A recent idea that I thought of is “Anxiety Stacking”. This concept came to me the other day when I woke up feeling anxious again, for seemingly no reason. Why do I feel so anxious?

Anxiety always seems to be connected to other people. ALMOST ALWAYS. It’s someone who has unfollowed me or unfriended me on Facebook or Instagram. I feel the anxiety flood in. Maybe it’s a suggestion to “patch a hole in my coat” (as if I didn’t notice that!). It’s someone’s hesitation to be warm or friendly after I have been exuberant and kind with them. It’s someone’s dismissive or “calm down” response to me about an expressive thought that I’ve vocalized–especially when I made an intentional effort to not be dismissive to their thoughts. It’s a job or opportunity rejection. Or maybe it’s the feeling conjured up when someone else in my current niche of interest is producing incredible products. There’s the unmistakable twinge of envy that creeps in when a peer in my field is churning out remarkable work, leaving me feeling like the underdog.

I’m in a quest to tame my anxiety. Anxiety is a very uncomfortable state of being. I’ve realized that I’m often at war with it. Once my psyche is plunged into this state, it tries with might to get out! Sometimes I sit in this state for half a day. I fantasize about the moment that I “will no longer feel anxious”.

I’ve decided to turn this upside down! Instead of dream of the moment where I’m “no longer feeling anxious” I’m going to use my anxiety as a catalyst. I’m going to use these moments of angst to run towards EVEN MORE SITUATIONS and EVEN MORE PEOPLE who AROUSE MY ANXIETY.

But why? The reason is because this is the PERFECT TIME. I’m already in the throes of anxiety. This is the time to allow more of it…because, wait, can anxiety get worse than it already is? Not really. It’s going to feel just as painful and anxiety-riddling with one or two rejections as it is with about 10 or 20 rejections. Sure, lots of rejections slammed on you at once may take a toll on your overall self-esteem (in the moment) but more on that later…

When you feel anxious it’s better to do a bunch of different things that may stir your anxiety. These are things like: apply for a job (that you think you’ll get rejected from), apply for a volunteer position (that you don’t think you have a chance at), ask someone out who’s likely to reject you. Compose an email to that estranged long-lost Uncle of yours! Has a neighbor recently rebuffed you? Bravely approach them and start talking in a bright, cheerful, annoying voice as if you don’t notice their disdain for you. Remember! They’re going to die too. You have one life and now is the perfect time to take risks with your ego because, again, YOU’RE ALREADY FEELING ANXIOUS.

I’ve noticed that when I do this, when I zoom into uncomfortable situations, I end up forgetting (for at least part of the day) some of the other uncomfortable situations that I’ve just encountered. It’s like I’m stacking more anxiety-pervading moments onto the heap. My memory (and anxiety) can only handle and FOCUS on a couple of these at a time.

Now, why do this? Because when you place your eggs in many baskets, when you apply for that job, inquire about a volunteer position in your field of intrigue, ask out a potential date, or speak to someone who you think “doesn’t like you” you actually increase the likelihood that ONE OF THESE ACTIONS works out in the end.

Let’s reiterate! When you diversify your efforts—whether it’s applying for a job, seeking a volunteer opportunity in your field of interest, mustering the courage to ask someone out, or engaging with someone you perceive as indifferent to you—you significantly boost the chances that at least one of these endeavors will yield positive results. Success tends to favor those who cast a wide net.

By taking action and doing a bunch of uncomfortable things in your current “Already-Anxiety” state, you’re learning a trick and modify your behavior and use it for your own self-improvement.

Now you can see the positive angle on anxiety. Use this state to your advantage!