Tag: self help

THE 300 PEOPLE YOU INTERACT WITH IS ONLY 0.00000375 of 8.2 BILLION PEOPLE/GLOBAL POPULATION

THE 300 PEOPLE YOU INTERACT WITH IS ONLY 0.00000375 of 8.2 BILLION PEOPLE/GLOBAL POPULATION

You probably have more options than you realize. You probably have more reach. With the modern digital landscape, you can be influential because your ability to expand, grow and be recognized by a larger number of people is so much more ample. Meanwhile, your everyday life experience may be limited by the number of people you encounter and form both shallow and profound relationships with.

Dunbar’s number suggests that most people interact with and form stable relationships with 150 to 300 people in their life (and that’s a generous range!). The problem with these 150 to 300 people that we mostly see and interact with is that they provide a very limited “small pond” effect to our brains. This is a cognitive bias.

Thus, in reality, we interact with a VERY SMALL FRACTION of the global population. It’s impossible for our brains to internalize the vastness, the scale of it all. Instead, we rely on our limited understanding to gauge the world–especially OURSELVES IN THIS WORLD. Our thoughts regarding our opportunities, chances and options are simultaneously shrunk down to size.

We start to judge ourselves based on the overall tenor and consensus of how these 0.00000375 people in the global population respond to us. We’re constantly worrying about our character and how it is being perceived, evaluated, from the metrics coming from that very small population we are working with. For example, if we get fired, a few times (or even many times!) we assume our experience of ourselves is representative of THE LARGER REALITY.

If we blow it on our blog–with our you tube channel—with our social media posts- or even with something like the kiosk that we run at our local Farmer’s Market–WE ASSUME THAT WE HAVE A FIXED AUDIENCE or FIXED CLIENTS/PATRONS. You do not.

If you’re like me, your blog will attract some people from Pakistan one day and people from Iceland another day. Audiences change. People grow out of what you have to say. People find newer, fresher, younger faces or maybe they remember you and come back. You still have a chance to grow and have influence and success if you manage to hook even just a few people. You have to make people remember you.

Back to what I was saying earlier, if most of those people “in your current circle” think a certain way, have very different personality traits than we do, or are super judgmental, you’ll start to regard yourself through the same lens. Perhaps these individuals don’t make any outright negative statements–only little ones that diminish you or make you feel “you don’t have what it takes”, “You’re incomplete” or “You’re not there yet”.

Because of our cognitive biases, we project the opinions of a HANDFUL of certain people onto an entire hypothetical “public”. If our boss or work mates show disappointment for our idea, we feel like EVERYONE is disappointed with it. If a particular social group show’s aversion or dissatisfaction for your choices, it can feel like your’re just a general loser.

Often, we inflate the long-term impact of a single mistake.

We start to think that that circle of people defines who we are. Or, that must be the way the world is. But maybe we have it wrong. Maybe we just have the wrong 150-300 people in our circle from the get-go. Maybe we’ve been dealt a bad hand of people from the start.

Maybe someone like Steve Jobs had a bunch of “the right” people around him at the right time. Without that specific concoction of people, maybe he would have never had the sustained inspiration to carve out a successful path and put his ideas out there.

Afterall, it’s easier to try new things and throw our ideas out there with the right kind of people surrounding us. It’s much harder when we feel fear of what kind of half-hearted commentary we’re going to receive or worse, someone who changes the subject to talk about “the weather” a “recent event” or something very mundane like something they noticed about a particular street, car, celebrity, place. It can feel dismissive and boring at the same time.

My go-to thought when I’m feeling like I’ve been handed the wrong surrounding of people:

There are 8 BILLION people on the planet. Considering that number, my reputation is not at stake as much as I think. Like me, you need to NOT let those 12 job-related encounters–or even 30–establish your baseline identity or character.

To reiterate, maybe the successful people in the world had the right 150- 300 at there disposal from the very beginning. They had people who were cheerful, positive, successful themselves, happy, open to new ideas–philosophically minded, dreamers and willing to keep working at it and trying etc. Those are the kind of collaborators you want. If you don’t have them now, you can change things up. You can use the vast numbers of people who navigate the internet as a potential wellspring to draw from.

These are trite, already known thoughts. But the point is you must constantly remind yourself that there are 8 Billion people to exploit.

Maybe you can’t change things up right now. But at least you can remember THE LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS. That is, despite the common mantra “It’s a small world after all”. It really isn’t. There are 8 BILLION PEOPLE to exhaust your resources, time, attention and talents. There isn’t enough time in your life to remotely scratch the surface or all that’s out there. “The tip of the iceberg” platitude doesn’t even BEGIN to convey how FEW PEOPLE YOU’VE really interacted with or even more, formed a meaningful connection with or could have an impact on.

Don’t let those 5 people at your company/work determine who you are. Even if you’ve ruined your reputation at an entire company, remember there are literally millions of companies globally that you could reach out to or that may find your skills or personality admirable. BEEN IN PRISON? Guess what? If you’re out, there are TONS OF POTENTIAL opportunities if you’ve truly committed to a crime-free life and you have a willful determination to make something of yourself. There are literally thousands of countries where you could stake out your next project or business pursuit.

Remember the doctor who killed Michael Jackson? Guess what? In 2023 he successfully opened his own medical institute in San Juan and also in Trinidad and Tobago. He is back to not only being a successful doctor, but developing thriving clinics.

The odds are in your favor because the global population is enormous. And don’t let me get started with your ability to use AI and use it to carve out even more bifurcations that lead to EVEN MORE OPPORTUNITIES. Imagine the global population surging with robots? That’s even more “people” to work with.

There are so many mistakes you can make with different people and yet still billions of more people to “try it out on”. And, if you were making some sort of cardinal, egregious mistake, that mistake will eventually be corrected or modified after so many iterations and interactions with different people. You just have to keep reaching out to more people.

To conclude, remember that your REPUTATION isn’t a single, monolithic thing. It’s really just a bunch of perceptions held by different people in different contexts. A gaffe in one area may be unknown or irrelevant to other people who are not in your direct circle. Most people–even that small group of 150 to 300 that you might engage with yearly–are too busy to care about your mistakes for too long because they have their own lives to dwell on and their own mistakes.There will always be TONS of people on the globe for you to work with and have an impact on.

BETTER WAY TO THINK ABOUT HAVING “TOO MANY INTERESTS”

My problem is that I have too many interests. I can’t quite figure out what I like more: woodworking, painting, writing and making blog posts, making reels after doing my creations/projects, self-help and motivation, roller-skating, sewing, gardening and landscape design…philosophy and learning about consciousness.

Then, there are the things I enjoy slightly less but I love the results when I do them: cleaning the house, cooking, nutrition, exercising and fitness, learning to play the piano, reading books, skincare and esthetics, learning and education and working towards my bachelor’s degree in nursing and teaching my 3 children things.

In the past (2011) I would make youtube videos–some would go VIRAL. It was an incredible opportunity in the early days of Youtube before the platform was saturated with creator accounts. Now the best and brightest are at the top of Youtube. I don’t stand a chance now. I’ve come to accept it and I rarely invest in this hobby anymore.

A lot of people struggle with having TOO MANY INTERESTS. But I think we should consider the positive side of this struggle. This means that at least we’re not sinking into boredom and nihilism. We’re probably less likely to be on the path towards addiction. This means we’re actively using our brains and still trying things out. We’re finding different ways to engage our conscious experience by seeking out interests and hobbies. We want to work with the world, not stagnate and diffuse our potential.

More and more studies reveal that actively learning and finding hobbies in MIDDLE AGE will help prevent cognitive decline. When you’re not passively consuming the world around you–but actively working with it and even butting your head against it–trying to find ways to make it work, solve a problem, figure out a new strategy and come up with something new, you’re thinking more.

This original thinking that comes with having tons of interests will do wonders for your sense of confidence. It will literally BUILD TRUST IN YOURSELF. You tried some of your ideas and integrated them into your hobbies in the past and gained some knowledge. Some of the things you did worked. You may have solved a woodworking or artistic issue in a more unorthodox way. You start to trust how you go about the process more–HOW YOUR OWN BRAIN GOES ABOUT THE PROCESS MORE.

As you gain confidence in your own style for doing things you are fueled to do more. Nobody died or got hurt. People may have admonished “That’s not the way to do that” or “This is how I do it.” But everyone thinks their way is much better, have you noticed?

Perhaps you applied lateral or non-linear thinking to help figure out something in the past. This approach often feels better than following the step-by-step directions from a brochure or a youtube video.

So, in essence, having tons of interests develops lots of new and unique connections. These inspire more tangential thinking. More ideas can mix together in your mind so you come up with even more and better ideas. Remember, unrelated ideas can be integrated and may lead to even more surprises or potential solutions. You will feel and be more inspired and you will be pushing down the tendency to escape into addictions.

Having a surplus of hobbies, passions and interests may feel overwhelming. You may feel like you can’t go very deep into any of them. The tradeoff is you’ll have more crossover of unique ideas. You may even come up with an invention or business idea. If you naturally possess this tendency, don’t beat yourself up! You’ve figured out a way to beat boredom without screens and scrolling. It’s always better to have a surfeit of hobbies than zero hobbies with a proclivity towards addiction.

STOP WASTING TIME SCROLLING

STOP WASTING TIME SCROLLING

You aren’t spending very much time on blogs or reading anymore, are you? You are perhaps in some of the most dreadful moments of your life. You’re not finding your own life. You’re like an automated machine sucked into LONG PERIODS OF SCROLLING. There are so many platforms that encourage just another quick glance and so on and so forth. This is not a happy place for the mind.

The mind wants to peace and rest. It wants reflection. It doesn’t want incessant interruption from short bites of information. It wants your own thoughts to bubble up from the subconscious caverns of the brain and form deep and complex relationships and understandings. With other people CONSTANTLY IN YOUR FACE and importing their own thoughts into the shrine of your own mind–think reels, short videos, memes, or any extremely sliced and diced ultra refined content (as I like to think of it) — there’s very little reserved time and space for self-reflection.

Even worse, it’s tough to discover your own passion for creativity and your zest for life because so much of your time is invested in other people’s interests and pursuits--namely, their hobbies or career of making short reels that have to do WITH THEM and THEIR LIVES and THEIR HOBBIES or even, THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR. What about YOU? You’re just the mindless spectator helping them achieve their goals.

Much of our diet is ultra processed refined food. At some point factories and companies realized that we tend to prefer anything easy, quickly tasty and satisfying. In the same way, our digital diet for our minds is becoming plagued by ultra processed, short-form media like reels and memes or even facebook or Instagram stories. These short form pieces of content almost always make us think “Wow, I wasted my time on that?”. Very rarely are we thinking, “Wow, that was super insightful, and I’ll be using that technique today!”

Make no mistake, the reason why people make these pieces of content are for increased viewership and gaining more followers. The more massive one’s audience, the more money they can make with online content. The bigger they get, the more marketer’s will see them and make them affiliates with their company. Ultimately, they can push out products for big companies and generate revenue from this strategy. THEY ABSOLUTELY NEED YOUR CONTINUED VIEWERSHIP AND ATTENTION. Without you, without the masses doing this, these creators would have very little incentive to keep making such inane (often thoughtless) barely funny content.

Yes, sometimes we accumulate novel ideas from reels and stories. We gain fleeting moments away from boredom. But…. we lose way too much time compared to the insights that we gain.

I know this is old, but my suggestion is, why not adopt a DIGITAL FAST of sorts? Spend some time being alone with your own thoughts–without the internet or a screen. Try to force yourself to read even part of a book. Write 2 paragraphs about something you’re thinking about. Meditate alone and quietly. Make some tea and commit to being mindful throughout the entire process. Don’t ride on someone else’s thinking. Ride on your own thinking. And again, if you must ride on someone else’s thinking, make it come from a LONG FORM SOURCE or a written source. Books are great for this.

If you have to spend time on social media platforms spend it on YOUTUBE: LISTENING TO INTERVIEW PODCASTS that are LONG and that probe into the nature of thought and reality or that dedicate time for self-help and health, think Alex O’Connor, Tom Bilyeu, Lex Fridman, Ed Mylett, Rich Roll, Sam Harris, Stephen Bartlett–Diary of a CEO, Dan Koe, Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal, Lewis Howes, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, Andrew Huberman, Andre Duqum, Chris Williamson–just to name a few. I love listening to discussions between two different minds and I love how the above podcasters are willing to pose hard, thought-provoking questions that get my brain engaged. It’s amazing how much better I feel when/after listening to these individuals. I have more stamina for harder, more ambiguous, difficult content and I can listen while I’m doing housework or driving.

These are just some ideas. I will not demonize modern society and technology. As with everything, there are tradeoffs. There are goods and bads that come with all of this ultra processed media. I tend to see more bads than goods because as we know, time is the most valuable resource.

I took my 6 Year Old Son’s ADHD Medication

I took my 6 Year Old Son’s ADHD Medication

Recently I tried a little of my son’s ADHD medication (methylphenidate/Ritalin). I’ve been curious for a while about its effects–so I decided to live a bit on the edge. I’m a risk taker when it comes to almost anything with the exception of my ego. I love to try new things. I love to gain new experiences. I’ve plunged myself into way too many hobbies of late. It’s no wonder that I may have some attentional or jumpy-around tendencies myself. I have a hard time finishing any task that requires many steps, or I find myself procrastinating or just not forging the mental stamina to continue. I embark upon many tasks at the beginning of the day, I whip up all the motivation I can, but the follow-through just kicks me down. Additionally, my mood is often not at its peak. I can sometimes feel what depression or despondency must feel like. I was eager to see if taking some of my son’s medication would have any impact on my mood, motivation, or even my mental stamina.

What I discovered was nothing short of brilliant. I felt AMAZING. Once I could feel the activation of the medicine, I suddenly enjoyed what I was doing. Sitting down and helping my 4-year-old learn to read is typically a very boring hard to endure slog. On this day, it was like a sudden epiphany for my mind. My exact thoughts were “Oh, I kind of enjoy this task! I feel like I’m in the moment and I’m accomplishing something that is useful for my son!” Needless to say, we made it through 5 books. I just was able to stay on task and didn’t tire from it.

That’s really what I noticed–the ability to NOT TIRE OUT. To NOT MOVE ON. The focus makes it so that you can complete more boring, mundane, step by step tasks or even attempt more arduous or challenging tasks. The brain really needs a particular cocktail of neurotransmitters to deal with the day-to-day drudgeries. I didn’t realize what I was lacking–or how much more focused I could actually be. Do some people have the privilege of functioning like this regularly? If so, I’m so jealous! What a treat to stay focused and have that accompanying sense of satisfaction.

According to my son’s pediatrician, everyone’s brain can actually benefit from methylphenidate (though it’s typically reserved for those with a true ADHD diagnosis). Recent studies reveal that this medicine can probably help anyone, even adults, and it does not cause addiction because it is short-acting. It helps while it’s in the body and then starts to fade within a few hours. It helps my son tremendously especially while he’s learning something. He can hold his gaze on any learning material longer than without it. And if he holds his attention on some bit of knowledge or information for longer, he stands a FAR BETTER CHANCE OF LEARNING AND RETENTION.

That day I was able to trim 3 different bushes (topiary style!) and stay on task with every other item on my to-do list. I felt a sustained energy and contentment for whatever it was I was doing. I was reminded of the brevity of life and how one of the values I have crystalized for myself is my POTENTIAL. Am I doing everything in my power to achieve my potential? Am I making efforts each day? Could regularly or occasionally taking this medication help improve my mental function and output? I’m left to deliberate about my options and if I will talk to my doctor about getting a methylphenidate prescription myself for occasional use.

If you are the type that just tires out from the long-list of day-to day life or “mentally checks out” you also might benefit from an ADHD evaluation or (potentially) a prescription from your doctor. I think that brain function is absolutely critical for overall health and good, everyday life experiences. It’s hard to enjoy life when you can’t stay on task or accomplish anything big or bigger. We all are dreamers and can see things that we would like or that need to get done. Our brain can easily conjure up grandiose images of what we would like to accomplish or all the possible creations we would like to make. The wherewithal, stamina and sense of satisfaction on each step of the way is where the difficulty lies. This is what I discovered by recently embracing my curiosity and trying my son’s medicine.

ATTENTION AND SHORT FORM SOCIAL MEDIA THOUGHTS

ATTENTION AND SHORT FORM SOCIAL MEDIA THOUGHTS

I get so much joy and mental balance from avoiding social media. 20 years ago I loved how I would explore with my mind, how much longer I could endure being absorbed and immersed in a single activity. My mental faculties could withstand long hours reading or listening to the ideas of, say, Patricia Churchland vs. David Chalmers and their philosophical underpinnings. Now, reality seems to be diminished to short, very simplistic videos that we all happen to scroll by, very, very quickly as if to inhale as many of these in the shortest few seconds as possible.

Look around at any bus stop, coffee shop, check-out line or even a family sitting together at a restaurant. Are they reading blogs? Are they scouring long sections of text or lengthy news articles? NO. They are most-often in a mindless bout of scrolling. But it doesn’t stop there. Does it? It just keeps going and going. It doesn’t ever stop. Sometimes when they’re driving, they’ll take a moment or two to look at the road or their surroundings, but back to their phone they go. And humans keep clicking into their social media account throughout the day to imbibe more and more of these little useless trinkets of someone’s life. And there’s part of you that’s thinking either: Dang I’m wasting my life looking at your dull snippets of media, or, I wish I could be the one making engaging content and generating $$$ on it too!

Decades ago, so many of us would spend hours on Wikipedia or listening to long, dense lectures. While I still do this when I have the time, the incentive structure of modern society has changed. The hyper focused way of using the internet has passed…or maybe we’ve entered a new era.

Now, with the constant access of our phones and the onslaught of short-form social media content platforms, we are MENTALLY SCATTERED. We are all spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME on short-form internet content. This is the issue I want to address and keep on addressing here on my blog and even just to myself because I think that it’s going to be the Black Swan of our time. We may not realize it now but at some point, we will look back and see the stark changes to humanity and to the evolution of humanity itself.

If I were to sum up what’s happening it would be like this: We are all constantly “CHECKING”. It’s become an automatic behavior like breathing. There are so many possible options to scroll by and it’s like our brain doesn’t want to “get behind” or be “out of the loop”. So, we keep doing it. Or perhaps our brain just gets bored more easily. Every-day non-screen activities have become such drudgery to the mind. It’s not that we are afraid of being alone but that we need to be stimulated from the boredom. Our brain, like our body, wants escape and relaxation–not challenge, struggle or exercise. It’s wants any easy click and an easy find. We discover ourselves scrolling through short-form media content like videos or memes or very inane short posts.

As for me, I want to get back to attention–to being ABLE TO ATTEND. I want to pay attention for a long period of time. I want to be able to zoom into focus immediately on a long article and allow the complexity to pique my brain while I envision fresh perspectives that instigate action. I want to LISTEN TO (not watch) lengthy videos with novel discussion or interviews regarding the universe, AI, human intelligence, physics, philosophy, health and longevity, anti-aging, creativity, productivity, time management and anything to do with self-help. I am fascinated by all of these topics and want to keep exploring them and writing about them. I establish deeper learning and memory retrieval after writing what I read, research or delve into. In a way, humans are a lot like AI. The more we explore new data sets the more we develop a basic intuitive grasp of things. Then, we keep iterating until we kind of figure it out.

I still want to be online. But…. I want to utilize the internet and recent cutting edge AI technologies so that my own creativity can emerge. Creativity is just a novel assortment of various pieces or ideas that already exist. There is really so much potential out there! New technologies will have most prominence in the hands of those who use them to blend with their own creative outputs.

Waking Up at 5am–New Habits!!!

Robin Sharma has a book out called “The 5am club”. Though I’ve never read the book, I’ve followed him for many years on Youtube and enjoy listening to all of his golden bites of wisdom.

This January and February I have made a commitment to waking up at 5am. I typically wake up at 6am–but with a struggle. I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and start doing “hard, uncomfortable” things. Waking up at 5am seemed like a significant challenge but I wanted to see if I could FINALLY DO IT. I had been thinking about it and talking about it for years. I had been rehearsing the steps in my mind…even contemplating all the possibilities…all the free time…the chance to get WAY ahead of the day. I thought of how much I could get done and how liberating it would feel to get the house cleaned up and ready to go, to initiate some exercise, maybe even do some painting! But, despite all of this, I HAD NEVER TRIED DOING IT FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE DAYS.

I’ve been setting my alarm for 5am every night before bed. And, believe it or not, I have found myself getting into the habit of actually waking up at 5am. It’s been a very rewarding experience just to witness myself do this! I makes me feel incredible to know that I have been rising to the occasion and fulfilling this challenge I have set out for.

When I wake up early my days improve by 100%. I get a ton accomplished! Perhaps the biggest perk of waking up early has been my sleep! My sleep has improved PHENOMENALLY! I actually sleep at night and don’t find myself waking up for 45 minutes hoping to “Fall back asleep”. I also fall asleep soon after I lay down–which means I’m not wasting more time tossing and turning. In other words, my sleeping period if much more efficient and compressed. I get WAY more out of sleeping when I fall asleep quickly and sleep more deeply. I also feel much more recharged each day.

In a way, by waking up so early it’s like I’ve compressed my sleep period for deeper, more refreshing, undisturbed sleep period each night.

I plan to keep on waking up at 5am but also get into the morning habit of exercising too.

If you have any trouble sleeping at night like I have had for the past 7 years, I HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend CONSISTENTLY waking up at 5am. This trick works like MAGIC! You will have no trouble falling asleep at night (I usually go to bed right around 10pm) and if you do wake up at night, it will be MUCH BRIEFER than what you’ve experienced in the past.