A very quick yet (hopefully) pithy blog post today. I don’t expect anyone to read it. I do like to purge here on my blog and scribble out my thoughts to various interactions. In life, people will cause you the most pain. Hands down. There is nothing that will instigate more problems or conjure more negative self-talk than other people. Rarely do you wake up and simply decide to think negatively about yourself. Usually, it’s a frustrating encounter with another human being that sets off a cascade of negative self-talk and rumination.
It’s other people’s expressions, reactions and mannerisms that bring you to this psychological state. You may be minding your own business or thinking your own thoughts, yet someone acts a certain way and throws you off. Maybe they exhibit an attitude that you feel is unfair to your current situation. I know, I know, we hear it all the time “you are responsible for your own feelings”. This said, it’s almost always another person who has done the initiating or acted unreasonably considering the circumstances.
I had the experience of someone’s irritation, contempt and derision in Target yesterday. Perhaps it was because I was in Target and not in Walmart (where all the humble people abide). I can’t put my finger on it but these kinds of encounters never arrive when we’re at Walmart.
My children were blocking an aisle, as usual. My back was turned away from the approaching customer, her husband and (one) child. Once I realized the obstacle we had created for her, I immediately said “I’m so sorry!” and we speedily moved out of their path. All she could do was glare with derision and push past us with contempt. There was not a pinch of grace or kindness coming from her. We had stolen a few seconds of her life and for that she was outraged.
If the tables had been turned, I knew I would never respond like that. I couldn’t coax an attitude like that if I tried. In fact, I typically would pivot to another aisle with my cart or maneuver around. I figure out a way and I don’t force my way when there is a hiccup. I would rather put myself out than put someone else out.
I found myself deeply engrossed in the moment. As if that moment, with that look I momentarily caught from her, was stuck frozen in my mind. I could feel myself plunge into myself. I took in the emotional pain and didn’t shy from the feeling.
The feeling of being rejected and embarrassed came over me fully. I allowed it to. I felt worthless and rejected again. Yet I didn’t push past this emotion the way I usually do. I usually run from feelings of discouragement, embarrassment and dejection. This time I allowed it to sink it so that I could feel the full thrust of it. And you know what? It wasn’t as bad as I envisioned it to be. It was less painful just fully being immersed in my own blunder, my own ineptitude, my own lack of skill whilst navigating the perils of target with my 3 young children.
The key takeaway here is that there is always power in those moments of intense displeasure and embarrassment. Those are the instances where you can fully pull back—fully retract into a sense of mindfulness. And mindfulness is something we all need to get back into more often. In fact, we need frequent reminders to become mindful. We hear about the technique of mindfulness constantly, yet we forget about it. I’m mindless most of my days. We need everyday reminders! I need everyday reminders!
As I start out the new year with New Year’s resolutions, I will be using any negative or embarrassing occasion to conjure up mindfulness. Mindfulness is the antidote for any fleeting pain or trial. Since everything passes by so quickly anyways, there’s no reason to sit in the suffering. All you need to do is look at it, head on and then it disappears. Time goes on and that particular instance is FAR behind you. There is a world out there with plenty more interesting people and abundant opportunities.
A Slice of My Trash, Travels and Tots 